首页 -> 2007年第4期

你长了绿头发

作者：徐翰林／译

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　　人与人之间的感情受到伤害时，总会心烦意乱。当别人向你抱怨他受到“羞辱”或被别人侮辱时，你该怎样回应他呢？
　　心理学家杰克·坎菲尔德有一个很好的建议，即对抱怨者说：“如果我对你说，‘乔，你长绿头发了。’你会感到难过吗？”
　　他的回答可能会是：“不。”
　　如果你再问他：“为什么呢？”
　　他的回答可能是这样：“因为我知道自己不会长绿头发。”
　　这样你就可以说：“所以，我的话并没有影响到你，最重要的是你对自己的看法。”
　　“任何时候，如果别人所说的关于你或你所做的事，让你感到不安，那是因为在某种程度上，你对自己的这个方面也有些怀疑。”
　　（熊文摘自《最富哲理的美文》）
　　
　　Hurt feelings between people can be very upsetting. How should you respond when someone comes to you complaining about being“put down”or insulted by someone else？
　　Psychologist Jack Canfield has a good suggestion. Says to the complainer, “Suppose I were to say, ‘Joe, you have green hair.’ Would that make you feel bad？ ”
　　He’ll probably reply, “No.”
　　Ask, “Why not？”
　　His likely reply is“Because I know I don’t have green hair.”
　　You say, “So what I say to you needn’t affect how you feel. What you believe about yourself is more important.”
　　“Anytime you feel upset about what someone says about you , or something you do, it's because at some level you doubt yourself in that area.”